Let's Have a Duel

Duels were once considered the gentleman's way to settle a dispute or a way to defend your honor.  For example, Andrew Jackson, a president for two terms was even elected president after killing a man in a duel. Today, the election of a president that has a criminal record would be unheard of. In fact, a person with a criminal record even struggles to get a job working as a janitor. So what happened to duels? Well, basically, following the Civil War duels gradually died out. Also, there were even anti-dueling laws put into place and people had increased morals.
A duel was something that was agreed upon by two men. It was not mindless killing, but instead a test of honor. Often times, men didn't want the duel to end in death, but instead bloodshed, like a fist fight today. Sure, people often died from duels, but the person being killed was not an innocent bystander. They agreed to the duel, thus they were not killed in cold blood. Also, arguments often do not settle disputes and it takes something more to settle them. Imagine getting into an argument with your once best friend and having to deal with them for the rest of your life. Well, after a duel the argument is settled forever.
In the United States, duels will never be legalized again because people have a heightened sense of morals. But, think about it. What is the only way to settle an argument once and for all?

What's a Flifferhuzza?

    Often times, daily life becomes routine and lacks excitement. Tasks that were once enjoyable become tedious and jobs that were once fun become annoying. My life was no different. In the summer of 1997, I decided I needed a get away vacation filled with thrills and exciting activities. After countless hours of research, I decided to take a trip to Madagascar. 

    The flight cost only $20 because it was pre 9/11 and lets face it, Madagascar isn't the hottest tourist destination out there. More often then not, people will book a flight to Florida or Aruba before they decide to take a trip to Madagascar. Surprisingly, the flight flew by like the average weekend and before I knew it I was on the streets of Madagascar searching for my hotel. After 2 hours of wandering the streets hopelessly, I was forced to ask for directions. While asking for directions, I also asked what the best tourist attractions and activities were. The response I got was, "Skydiving. Yeah go skydiving for sure."

    Before I knew it, I was on a plane at an elevation of 13,000 feet going skydiving. I sat there nervously biting my nails and and shaking my leg furiously the entire flight. The pilot spoke absolutely no English and neither did the flight instructor. I was also the only one on the flight who would actually be jumping and that terrified me. Before I knew it, the instructor set me up with my parachute and guided me to the opening in the plane. With a sudden push, I was thrust out of the plane without warning. I opened my mouth to scream when all of the sudden an exotic purple dragonfly about the size of a dinner plate flew into my face at full speed: The rare Flifferhuzza was its name as the locals would letter inform me. We met with a splat  and  the guts invaded my mouth like an army of grime and innards. I immediately freaked out and pulled the chord to release my parachute. In a matter of seconds I passed out from the shock and I wouldn't wake up for another 5 hours. Luckily I had pulled my parachute prior to passing out so I was completely unharmed.

    Upon waking up I found my self in a dirt hut -- a state of the art Madagascar-an hospital. The tightly packed mud walls were spinning around me and I didn't feel quite right. After 20 minutes my vision went back to normal and then suddenly, a gigantic, human sized Flifferhuzza flew into the room. I passed out again.

    I woke up after god knows how long and I was back in my bed at home. I looked over at my nightstand to discover my return ticket from Madagascar and a certificate proving that I went skydiving just sitting there. To this day,  I still kill every normal sized dragonfly that is unfortunate enough to fly within my grasp.

The Dentist

The dentist. A place we all know and hate. Today, I went to the dentist for a routine teeth cleaning. Everything went well except for one issue. The problem was that my hygienist was friendly -_ perhaps too friendly. I don't know why dentists, orthodontists and hygienists all insist on talking to you with their instruments and hands shoved into your mouth. I mean, we all go to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned and that's it. It isn't social hour, so I don't get why dentists even try to strike up conversation in the first place. I get that they're trying to be polite and friendly, but in the end they just end up annoying me.

People Can Fly

When asked what super power they would choose, people often choose the ability to fly. The reason that's a lame super power is because by my definition of fly people can already fly. My definition of fly is to have your feet off the ground while moving through the air. So, by this definition, jumping is flying because you are moving through the air with your feet off of the ground. Most people can jump, therefore people can fly. Also, think of all the times you've ever dove out of an airplane while skydiving (probably very often). Well, your feet are off the ground, you're moving through the air and therefore you're flying. People can fly, it's a fact.